I wouldn’t wish living with The Budget on my worst enemy, just my nearest and dearest. Though it’s almost an intolerable pain in the patootie at first, financial solvency binds anxiety better than any drug available, no side effects. Plus, there’s the lovely afterglow from having money available to pay for whatever comes up, as it comes up. Without a credit card.

But, at first, it bites.

...Previously

The heavy bar suddenly pulled me out into space—OHMYGOD!

“Stand up! Stand up tall! You’re a princess!” Trembling fiercely,

Photos by Kathleen Porter

Pulling on the mandatory leggings, I moaned, Why? Why had I registered for this two-hour trapeze workshop?

Sweating, I ambled across the huge meadow fronting the thirty-foot high trapeze scaffolding. “Uncle Tony” strolled up to the check-in table. “You have no idea what you’re getting into,” he said. He didn’t bwa-ha-ha, but did he need to?

“Instant addiction, right?” I quipped back. The man’s eyes lit up. Oh God.

“In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer.”   Mark Twain

Son is driving. I am riding shotgun. “Wait for those cars to go by before turn—“ Son abruptly turns left into oncoming traffic.

I tromp on the floor— Where’s the accelerator?!— Ohmygod! I will Son to go faster!Gofaster!Gofaster! Instead, I can’t believe it— he hesitates.

The oncoming car isn’t slowing down.